My daughter started her TK two weeks ago. Time flies. She was not scared at all, and she walked into the class with the teacher in the morning, without looking back to me and my wife who were in a mixed state of surprise and pride. What did she think in the moment she saw her new teacher and new classmates? Was she scared? Is she enjoying the new school? There were some of the thoughts running through my head in the last few days. She did not report any problems at school. She told us that she likes school. I can tell you that she loves the food from the cafeteria since she ate that but not the one that we cooked for her last week (I am a little bit culturally disappointed, but it is ok for now).
I don’t know how she will feel in the future at school, and it makes me nervous. Is there anything I can do to prevent her suffering sometimes? This is what I ask myself. Do you experience the same emotions and thoughts as a father? I must give you bad news. This is impossible. Our kids will cry for a bad day at school or because something they did not like happened. They will scream and stomp their feet. We must accept our anxiety around it. It is important that we do not fall into a vicious cycle between their emotions and ours. What we can do is focus our efforts on healthy goals. As parents, a goal is to make them independent. However, it does mean trying to eliminate their distress magically. It means helping them to understand the difference between what is dangerous and not, teaching them to make decisions, and explaining that their behaviors can have consequences. It also means teaching them respect for others. We can ask them how school was, listen to what they said, and validate their emotions if it is needed. Our kids must learn how to be independent by doing homework and playing games by themselves, but we don’t have to forget to spend time with them, going out for “dates”, for example.
Remember that we are not only parents, but we are also partners. We must collaborate with our loved ones and redistribute the amount of family responsibility and burden. We can ask our partners how we can help them and try to have constructive conversations. This models communication for our children: seeing their parents speaking and collaborating to reach a common goal. This is helpful to make our kids independent and collaborative with others in the future!
Finally. We always must take care of ourselves. Dedicating 10-15 minutes per day can be a start. You can do whatever you want: reading a book, listening to music, being alone in silence and the dark (that’s my favorite!)…
I hope you found this helpful. Good luck with your parent journey and … have a good school year!
